Jonesing...

My blog just hit 1,000 views!  I shall celebrate this rather unremarkable milestone with a new, long overdue post!

 Okay…I’m not gonna sugar coat it…although that sounds delicious…I want a cookie real bad.  And I’m not just talking the chocolate sandwich variety, which I've spoken of in the past.  No…I’d take pretty much anything at this point.  I believe they call this “jonesing”.  It is 8 AM, 9 degrees outside, I’m in my pajamas, but the thought has already crossed my mind that I should get up, get dressed enough to make myself look like a productive member of society (and not the deranged cookie consuming degenerate that I truly am), bundle up my baby, and head out to the grocery store to buy a package or two (or five). 

But I won’t do that.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.  See…I’m back on the wagon.  Well…more like trailing half-heartedly behind the wagon while whining, “Hey guuuuys?  Can you slow doooown?”  What does that look like, exactly?  Well, I haven’t bought a package of Oreos in about a month.  And, with no measurable degree of regularity, I've been increasing my vegetable intake.  That’s about it at this point.  Baby steps.

And before you send me recipes for some fantastic vegan, sugar-free, wheat free, ingredient free cookies that are “totally awesome”…let me just stop you by saying that I don’t consider those cookies.  I consider them food.  I might even consider them “pretty good, actually”.  But I don’t consider them cookies.  For something to be a cookie it has to be at least a little bit bad for you.

“But Amy,” you might say, “even a cookie that is high in fat and sugar can be okay if consumed in moderation within the context of a balanced and healthy diet.”  Well, if you can consume delicious cookies in moderation, bully for you.  I’m still working on that.

Why am I attempting to rein in my cravings?  I’d like to give you some explanation along the lines of, “It’s not about losing weight, I really just want to be healthier and take care of my body.”  But I’d be lying to you if I said that.  It’s totally, definitely about losing weight. Despite the fact that I’m still nursing Sam (for now…until he finally succeeds in actually biting my nipples off, as he’s been trying to do with his new chompers of late), the weight is not just effortlessly falling off.  I literally thought I was pregnant earlier this week.  My poochy tummy wasn't the only thing that had me thinking pregnancy was a possibility…I've also been really tired the last couple of weeks (my first pregnancy symptom with Sammy), and almost insatiably hungry.  Then, yesterday I was convinced that I was feeling a bit nauseous.  But I tested this morning and it was negative, so that can only mean one thing.  It’s time for a diet.

I think I’d rather be pregnant than on a diet…although dieting is definitely cheaper, since it doesn't require monthly doctor visits and a lifelong commitment to love, nurture, and protect another human life.  Plus, despite the mild to moderate case of baby fever that I've been battling for the last month or two, realistically I know that right now would be not the greatest, most convenient time to start adding to our family again.  Although…when is having a baby ever convenient?  Never.  If you decide to have a baby, you’re basically asking to be inconvenienced.  But despite that, I was still a little disappointed when I saw the single pink line on the pregnancy test this morning.  Because it’s so worth all the inconvenience…definitely, emphatically worth it.

So…it looks like I’ll be talking myself out of two things for a while: Cookies and more babies.  Hopefully, maybe 20 pounds from now, there will be a time when I can say yes to both again.  And for now I’ll enjoy what I already have…Sammy…my adorable, sweet baby boy.

And these carrot sticks…I guess.