Thus saith the HR department…

Well, next week marks a momentous occasion in my life.  For the first time in over 7 years I will begin working less than 40 hours a week.  I don’t count my maternity leave last spring, because I was sleep deprived the whole time and can’t remember most of it…therefore, it might have actually never happened.

Hansen started a new job last August with the hope that he would eventually start making the kind of income that would allow me to stay home with Sammy at least part time (and hopefully full time for at least a few years) in the future.  This is the first step in that direction.  I will still technically be a full time employee, but earlier this week the Vice President of HR at the company I work for approved the request that my hours be reduced from 40 to 32 a week. 

First of all, I want to give a huge shout out to my hubs.  He has been busting his butt and I’m never quite able to express just how proud I am of him, or how much I appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice that he is making for our family.  He frequently puts in 12 hour days.  It’s not even unheard of for him to put in a 16 hour day.  Every morning he has to get up at a different time, so it’s not like he can just train his body to get used to waking up earlier.  Some mornings his alarm goes off at a relatively reasonable 5:30 AM, but more often it’s like 2 or 3 AM…and sometimes even earlier than that.  He never knows when he’ll have to start each day until the afternoon before when he receives the next day’s schedule from his office.  Then he puts in long hours…lots of walking, lifting heavy fire extinguishers, inspecting fire suppression hood systems in restaurants, paperwork, and driving.  One day this week he told me that he had walked 22 flights of stairs that day.  He does all of this with remarkably little complaining.

And it’s not like he has days to recover from this crazy schedule.  On the weekends he helps me clean the house, care for our son, does yard work, helps me grocery shop, attends to random projects around the house, and maintains relationships with our family members and friends.  On top of all that, he has been the one preparing most of our family meals on a daily basis because when I’m working in the office I don’t get home until around 7 pm, and when I’m working from home I have to use every minute that I’m not caring for Sam to focus on work stuff so that I can get all of my hours in each day (something that has turned out to be much more difficult than I originally imagined).

So…he is basically amazing… worthy of all the thanks and praise I can give him.  And I also thank God for sustaining him and giving him the energy and perseverance to do all this for us. 

Now…to answer your most burning question…what will I do with this luxurious additional 8 hours of free time each week?  Well, I can think of SO many things.  It’s going to be tricky, though, as these hours will be broken up and spread across the whole week.  On Mondays and Wednesdays, both office days, I will reduce my time in the office by 1 hour so that I can get home earlier to prepare dinner and take care of Sam.  That way Hansen can hopefully eat and get to bed at a more reasonable hour.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, both work from home days, I will work only 5 hours.  Fridays will remain 8 hour office days.

So, I have to be strategic with how I use this time. I’ve given it some thought and here are my 8 goals for my 8 hours that will be redirected from "work life" to "home/personal life":  

1)  I will spend more quality time with Sammy.  We’ll go to the park in the middle of the week, rather than waiting for the weekend.  We’ll go outside more.  We’ll read more books.  And I will cherish every additional moment that I get with my sweet little boy who is growing up faster than I thought was possible.  Or I’ll try to.  I’m not perfect.  I still find it hard to relish the times when he throws food all over the floor I just swept, or fights me as I try to change a particularly messy diaper.  But by and large, I think you probably understand the goal…cherish.  CHERISH, I SAY!

2)  I will make dinner (or sufficiently heat and re-serve edible leftovers) every night.  I am determined to take this burden off of Hansen’s shoulders.  I may not have it on the table when he walks through the door, and I certainly won’t greet him at the door in a dress and heels with a cocktail in hand, but there will be food.  And there’s beer in the fridge.

3)  I will pay my bills on time.  I haven’t been great about this lately.  And this is less a cash-flow issue than it is a time issue.  There is money in my account.  Sometimes it’s just  enough, but it’s there.  I just need like half an hour each week to sit down with my bills and checkbook to make that magic happen.  Poof…the money is gone.  And there is great…um… rejoicing?

4)  I will keep my house clean…er.  I don’t think I will ever be able to promise a spotless domicile, no matter how much time I have at home.  It’s just not in me.  Plus…I have a toddler now, so unless I just keep him in the backyard all day like an outdoor pet, I don’t think it’s physically possible.  But I can do better than I’ve been doing lately.  I have done better.  I am committing to less chaos and that “comfortably clean, but lived in” look, with a side of slightly more organized cabinets and closets.

5)  I will exercise and lose 20 pounds.  Hahaha!  No, but seriously….hahaha!  Okay…I will try.

6)   I will tend the garden in our backyard to help it yield the maximum harvest and hopefully reduce our grocery bills…at least through the summer and early fall.

7)  I will fold the laundry before it gets all wrinkled, and actually put it away, rather than letting it sit in laundry baskets on the couch in our living room.

8)  I will hopefully take at least two steps back from the proverbial “edge” that I have been dancing so closely to for the last year or so…and hopefully help my husband do the same.  We are in desperate need of a little breathing room.

Wish me luck!  And pray that God helps me to use this time in the way that most honors Him and benefits my family, regardless of my own personal goals.

And here is a picture of Sammy...because man, I love this kid!

On Twilight and love...now hear me out...

Okay…confession time.  I’ve read the Twilight series.  Multiple times.  And I’m doing it again.  Sort of.  

My wonderful husband, who knows me very well, got me the gift that keeps on giving this past Christmas…a subscription to Scribd.  It’s a website that provides access to books, both e-book and audio, for its subscribers for a small monthly fee.  I have the app on my phone and my Kindle.  It’s awesome.  And as a working mother, it’s pretty much the only way that I get any reading done anymore.  I love having access to thousands of audiobooks at any given time.  I use it so frequently that in the matter of a little over a month, I became one of their top tier subscribers and was asked to participate in beta testing the updated version of their site.  I didn’t participate because I’m busy.  That’s why I listen to audiobooks.  I didn’t want to go to the trouble of reporting back about my experience with the site.  But still…I felt kind of cool that I got asked.

Anyway…back to our feature presentation…the Twilight saga.  All those books at my disposal and I choose to listen to a YA series that I’ve already read, multiple times.  I know, I know, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.  These books are literary donuts.  But if you know me, you know I love donuts.  So sue me.  Also, since it can sometimes be hard to concentrate on the story the whole time when you’re just listening, as opposed to actively reading, it’s nice to pick a story you’re already familiar with once in a while.  Kind of like putting on your favorite movie in the background while you fold laundry and clean the house.  You’ve seen it before, so you’re not lost if you have to step out of the room for a minute…you can still enjoy the story.

For the record, let me just put it out there that I hate the Twilight movies.  I watched them all just to see how the writers/directors/actors would translate the story to the screen.  I think they did a terrible job.  No offense to anyone who liked the movies, but I think they’re just awful.  The books, on the other hand, while not even close to highbrow, do admittedly still hold some appeal for me.  And I find myself wondering why.  There are many things about the story that I don’t really like.

For example, Edward, the supposed heart-throb hero of the story, holds absolutely no appeal for me.  Well, he’s polite…sometimes.  That’s nice, I suppose.  And he’s a talented pianist…which I guess is kind of sexy.  He wants to wait to have sex until he’s married…which appeals to my own personal code of morality.  But other than that?  Meh.  He’s moody, kind of controlling and condescending…oh…and he’s a vampire who is physically cold and hard like marble.  Yuck.  There is this scene that I listened to recently and it describes a kiss between Edward and Bella…it says something about how his tongue tracing around her lips felt as cold as ice.  Umm…what?  Is that a turn-on for some people?  I suppose it could be, so I shouldn’t judge, but me personally?  No thanks.

From the very first time I read the series, I was team Jacob.  What’s not to like about him?  He’s a mostly happy-go-lucky guy who would pretty much do anything for Bella.  Sure…he has some setbacks emotionally when he finds out he’s a werewolf and when he can’t get the girl he loves (because **spoiler alert** Bella ends up with Edward), but one can hardly blame him for that.  Aside from his preferable temperament, he actually runs a significantly higher body temperature than mere humans, which for me would be a major plus.  Who doesn’t want a man who can keep them warm? Plus, the book always describes him as Bella’s best friend.  So if there is this really great guy, who is your best friend, who is exceptionally attractive, and who also desperately wants to be with you…why would you choose an ice cold vampire, who is prone to treating you like a child?  It just never added up for me.  Maybe if the romance between Bella and Edward had been better developed, I would feel differently, but as it is, I was never sold on their eternal, indestructible love. 

So, why do I keep coming back to it?  Well, it’s hard to put my finger on it exactly.  I do enjoy the fantasy genre, but I’m not a huge fan of high fantasy.  I like my fantasy to be mixed in with life as I know it.  This series gives me a taste of the magical/supernatural without taking me so far outside the realm of my own personal experience that I lose the ability to relate with the characters and put myself in their shoes.

But most of all, I think I just like how it takes me back to a time in my life when things were simpler and love felt different.  Love is complicated and layered…and I think that the way you experience it changes over time.  I sometimes roll my eyes when I read about how quickly Bella is entranced by Edward and how quickly they become completely devoted to each other, but if I’m honest with myself, I can remember a time when love felt a lot like that to me.  I saw a boy at school.  I thought he was cool and cute.  Sometimes I’d notice that he was looking at me and it made my pulse race a little bit.  And then we started dating, and within a matter of months, I was convinced the we’d get married and live happily ever after.  I was in love, man.  And I was surging with hormones.  I didn’t have any bills to pay or mouths to feed – none  of the stress of adulthood – but life was dramatic.  High highs and low lows.  Love was passion or despair, depending on the day.  Wonderful and awful at the same time…much the way it is described in these books.

It wasn’t perfect, but man, it was exciting!  There was so much you didn’t know about each other.  So much to discover.  Did a boy ever make you a mix tape of new music for you to listen to?  Or take you to a place you’d never been before, just because he liked it and was excited to show it to you?  I think that’s what we don’t get as much of as we grow older and take on more responsibilities.  As we reveal more and more of ourselves to our partner, the mystery starts to disappear. 

At this point, my husband probably knows much more about me than he ever thought he’d want to when we first started hanging out.  At the beginning of our relationship he learned the good things…the cute, quirky, endearing things about me that set me apart from other girls in his mind.  But by now he knows a LOT more.  And let me tell you, not all of it is good.  He’s seen me tired, cranky, mad, sad, in pain, in LABOR.  He’s seen how fast I can inhale a gigantic Chipotle burrito…guys, it’s not attractive.  He’s seen me when I’m being unreasonable, unfair, unloving.  He’s seen me when I’m being judgmental and unforgiving.  He’s smelled my breath in the morning before I brush my teeth, and seen me when I haven’t showered or changed out of my pajamas for several days.  And he still loves me.  Crazy, right?

So, yeah…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes miss the passion and excitement of young love…the romance.  Not that I’ve abandoned or given up on romance completely, but I miss all that free time we used to have to express our love to each other in new and unique ways.  I miss when date night was like every night of the week, and I learned something new about him every day.  I miss the rushing pulse.  But I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything.  Passion is great, but it’s cheap.  I can vicariously experience that drama that I sometimes miss by listening to a story about a love triangle between a few supernatural teenagers (Oooo…that makes me sound really creepy, doesn’t it?  Now you know.  Total creeper.).  It reminds me of what I had then, which was great…and helps me appreciate what I have now…which is even better!